How are you? It’s been awhile. Are you enjoying this warmer weather as much as I am? It’s been a breath of fresh air. It’s lambing season at our home so our days are filled with feeding hungry mommas and watching every move to make sure we don’t miss the next set of lambs to set foot on this earth. They are so adorable and I find myself teary every time a new set is born. The miracle of life is a beautiful thing.
You may be wondering about our foster care story. From the outside looking in you would see we still have the beautiful browned eyed little girl we said yes to in September. She is already growing up so fast and we find ourselves wondering how the time flew. If you stepped into our inside world you would see the struggle is still very real in the loss of the little one we said goodbye to. Not a day goes by where she doesn’t go unspoken of. Pictures drawn by the kids with her in them as if she is still apart of us. Prayers prayed that would bring her back. Tears lost when a song or situation comes up that trigger emotions. Really all normal things when you read about grief.
I don’t share this to make you feel sorry for us. It’s the journey the Lord has led us on. I share it so that if you are going through loss and grief you will know you are not alone and the struggle is real.
My real struggle has really been, Why God? Is this really best? Maybe you have been there too.
Here is what I’m learning and maybe this will help you as well.
It’s okay to feel angry and frustrated and hurt, those are normal feelings of loss, but we can’t stay there. We need to surrender our feelings to God. This has been a daily thing for me and I would say it’s a battle to continue to surrender those emotions. Be patient with yourself, time will help.
Find someone who will pray and check in on you. I praise the Lord for the little texts, messages, or phone calls that give encouragement. If you don’t have that person in your life right now, pray that the Lord would send someone to encourage you.
Find time to pray and read God’s word. I know you probably hear this a lot but when it really comes down to it, your healing is only going to come from God. I have found myself trying to heal with distractions but it only lasts for a moment. For me I have a prayer journal. Don’t be afraid to let it all out. God can handle it. If you really need to cry, and let it all out. Showers are a great place for this. Especially if you have little ones in the house who may be wondering what’s going on.
Remember that we live in a broken world. Sometimes our answers will not come until eternity. As much as I want the “why” answered I know that God’s ways are always best and He is God, not me. I need to surrender to His will. This is easier said then done, but I have found when I say, not my will but yours I let go of the control.
Just take the next step. The bible talks a lot about perseverance and suffering. Fun stuff right? Ugh. Suffering is hard and it’s hard to persevere when you are hurting. Lately I have been praying for the Lord to give me grace in my hurt. I believe He will. I also have had to pray that I would continue to persevere because I know we are doing His work and He has more for us to do in this story.
Finally, know that He is close to the broken-hearted. I think we think sometimes that when things go in ways that we don’t want them to or prayers aren’t answered in ways that we want them to that God is far away and doesn’t care about us. Please know that, that is a lie from the enemy. I have felt those feelings of Him being far away but then something will happen where He blesses me and I am reminded He is right in this journey with me. I have also prayed that He would reveal himself to me, He has always answered. Maybe this is a prayer you want to pray as well if you are feeling alone.
Friend, I hope that you can find encouragement here. I also hope that you are getting some time to take walks and get outside, because this sunshine is a gift right now. Hang in there, you can get through this hard season.